Being desperate can be one of the worst positions to be in life, you can smell a desperate person from a mile away. Don’t let that be you.
Desperation = Lack of bargaining power = Being manipulated
Most of life’s interactions involve some form of negotiation, if you are desperate you will always end up on the wrong end of these. Whether that be finding a partner, navigating the job market or pitching to investors. You may get what you sought after, it just won’t be on your terms. So in the long term you will end up being worse off in comparison to where you started.
Think about the dating scene. To win a suitor over you have to play the game, you show interest but never too much interest. Nobody wants to be with someone that needs a partner (unless you’re a 10/10), they want to be with someone who is balanced, who wants to be with them but is also happy on their own. Even if as a desperate person you do manage to get into a relationship, you’re at risk of being controlled by your partner in the long term. Put yourself in the shoes of a person with a desperate partner, someone who stays with you no matter what you do because they’re in fear of not finding anyone else. That gives you a lot of power, which you can choose to do with what you will.
The job market is very similar to the dating scene, a desperate candidate is a candidate no company wants. Employers are a bit like potential partners, if no other company wants you then why should they be the one that has to take a risk and deal with you? This doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t get a job, it just means the job you’ll get will be from a company that is as desperate as you.You probably don’t want to end up working for a desperate company, that’s a bad sign, there is a reason why they can’t hire. Nothing worth having is ever easy, it’s a tough lesson to learn but once you learn it you’ll realise that any job that is relatively easy to get is not one that you will want.
A friend of mine quit his job in the later stages of 2017. He wanted better and knew his worth. I doubted his decision at the time and after several months of being unemployed I wondered if he had any regrets. But after 5 - 6 months he landed a job at one of the biggest companies in the world. During this period he could have chosen another job out of desperation, but he didn’t, he stuck to his goals and was rewarded because of it. Desperation causes you to make the wrong decisions, try not to get yourself in that situation, always have back up plans.
Pitching to investors is where desperation really kills you. As Paul Graham says in one of his essays, no investor wants to invest in a company who looks like they cannot function without their investment. You only really get investors coming to you when they know you don’t need their money, their investment will be useful but you can live without it. Investors are also more likely to make an investment in you if other investors are interested. Similar to the job market and the dating market, companies are more likely to want you if other companies do, potential partners are more likely to want you if there are others on the scene. Mimetic theory is the theory that all our desires are based on the desires of others, we want what others want. If you are desperate to raise, you will have a difficult time in doing so. Plus if an investor can see you’re desperate and decides to invest in you, it will be on very bad terms for you, something you will end up regretting in the long term.
Life is like a game of chess, make the right moves. Or maybe life is like a game of poker don’t show all your hands. With everything that you want, you have to act like you don’t want it even if you do. That’s why your credit score goes down the more you look for credit but you suddenly start receiving the best offers when you actually don’t need it. That’s a cheat code for you, don’t want it but secretly want it. That way when you’re faced with an unfair scenario you can walk away. But you will rarely be faced with unfair terms if you don’t look desperate!
This does not mean you shouldn’t go after and get what you want, but there is a big difference between fighting for what you know you want and desperation. Sometimes you do have to have the confidence to say you want this thing and then go get it.
I understand that nobody is ever desperate until they are actually desperate. So make sure you’re in a position where you don’t have to be desperate, always have options and if you don’t have options make sure it looks like you have options. Or you will get eaten alive, I know this because I’ve experienced first hand being desperate in both the dating and job market in the past.
I’ve learned to strive not to be desperate recently and it has become one of my rules of life. Make it yours.
Thanks to Lukas and Azeez for reading my initial drafts.